Incomplete
by Kairyuu-san
Summary: One night, Soda’s thinking about Sandy. Why did it happen, anyway? He still loved her . . . he proved it. He sent her letters, but they were returned and unopened. A short reflection on his feelings. [ONE SHOT]


**Disclaimer:** I do not own The Outsiders or this song.

**Rating: **T

**Story Summary: **One night, Soda's thinking about Sandy. Why did it happen, anyway? He still loved her . . . he proved it. He sent her letters, but they were returned and unopened. A short reflection on his feelings. One-shot.

**Author Notes: **This is basically another one-shot. XD I need to fight this stupid writer's block. The song is "Incomplete" by Backstreet Boys.

**Incomplete**

I was sitting on the floor with my back to the couch, running my hand through my hair. Man, I felt really bad. Not the bad like sick or anything, but just . . . bad. I had this real bad ache in my heart. I felt like there was something missing. I was like . . . what was the word . . . hollow. Empty. I felt like my heart was ripped out of my chest, torn into pieces, and given to a hungry pack of dogs.

My breathing wasn't so great, either. The air was really heavy around me, and I took in really deep breaths, but it didn't seem to help. I didn't know what was wrong with me at first. 'She's gone, Soda,' I kept saying, but I didn't want to accept it. It felt like I couldn't do anything. I felt completely useless. I felt . . . stupid. I felt like a real jerk, and that I shouldn't be living.

But most of all, I felt sorry beyond belief.

_Empty spaces fill me up with holes,  
__Distant faces with no place left to go.  
__Without you within me I can't find no rest.  
__Where I'm going is anybody's guess.  
__I've tried to go on like I never knew you.  
__I'm awake, but my world is half asleep.  
__I pray for this heart to be unbroken,  
__But without you, all I'm going to be is . . .  
__Incomplete._

I don't know why I was moping around. I wasn't doing any good feeling sad. My feeling like a complete ditz wasn't bringing her back. But I couldn't even find the strength to get up. I felt so . . . useless! I felt like I didn't matter anymore! And on top of that, Ponyboy was gone! Was this all my fault?

At that point, my stomach and neck started to ache, and my eyes started to sting. I needed to be strong. Maybe that's why she left me . . .?

I shook my head violently, setting the letter beside me. This wasn't fair! I . . . really cared about her, but they just couldn't accept that. Maybe she couldn't accept it, either. Maybe she didn't love me as much as I thought.

But if she didn't, why did _I_ care so much . . .?

_Voices tell me I should carry on,  
__But I am swimming in an ocean all alone.  
__Baby, my baby,  
__It's written on your face.  
__You still wonder if we made a big mistake.  
__I've tried to go on like I never knew you.  
__I'm awake, but my world is half asleep.  
__I pray for this heart to be unbroken,  
__But without you, all I'm going to be is . . .  
__Incomplete._

'Just forget it, Soda,' I told myself again, putting my head in my hands. If Ponyboy'd seen me this way, he'd flip out or something. He's always sees me as his cheerful older brother, and I don't want him to worry about me. He's got enough to worry about.

But man, I just wanted to stop the hurt. I didn't want to cry, or Darry'd notice that something's wrong. I decided to keep it away from him until the right time. He's already stressed over Ponyboy, and work ain't makin' it any better for him.

My stomach started to hurt real bad, and when I tried to breathe, it would be a quick, painful breath. I didn't want to cry. My head started hurting like hell all of the sudden, and I tried not to breathe so that I wouldn't hurt so much, but it didn't work.

"Just . . . leave me alone . . . I . . ." I looked down at the floor, trying hard to fight away the tears. I started choking on my own breath, and my eyes started to hurt even more. Every part of me was burning like hell. I was practically gasping like a fish out of water.

'Just let it go,' I said to myself, but I couldn't. I felt something in my heart that I could never possibly describe. It just hurt so damn bad! I wanted to stab myself just to stop the hurt! I wanted to just end it . . .!

But I couldn't. I had to be strong . . . for Darry . . . for Ponyboy. I had to focus on them. On loving them . . .

They were my only way out.

_I don't mean to drag it on, but I can't seem to let you go.  
__I don't wanna make you face this world alone . . .  
__I don't wanna let you go . . . alone . . .  
__I've tried to go on like I never knew you.  
__I'm awake, but my world is half asleep.  
__I pray for this heart to be unbroken,  
__But without you, all I'm going to be is . . .  
__Incomplete . . ._

'Forget about her,' I told myself again, a few tears dropping onto the floor. I couldn't help it. I started to think . . . about that lucky bastard she would have as her new boyfriend. If it wasn't me, who?

No one could possibly love her as much as I did.

I hated myself for taking that chance. I felt stupid. I just couldn't wait, but I . . . I don't know. All I knew is that we loved each other, but not as much as I thought. I thought everything would be good; I thought I would have a big, fat, happy ending. But I'm a greaser.

Out endings aren't usually so happy.

I needed to fight it all. Just . . . it felt so wrong for her to be gone. I didn't know what to do. But then, the solution came. I needed to focus on Ponyboy. All the love I had for Sandy needed to be given to my brothers. To my friends. I promised . . . this was my last night being so sad like that. I heard the door being opened, so I slipped the letter under the couch.

"Hey, Darry!" I greeted, putting on a fake smile.

"Hey, little buddy. What's going on?"

"Nothin'. Uhh . . . here's the mail!" I handed him the rest of the mail, feeling a little better. Yeah. That was it. I loved my friend and my family. They were all I had . . . in fact, to this day, I still have them. I'll always have them . . . I'll never be . . .

_Incomplete . . ._

* * *

**Author Notes: **Okay, I know that Soda doesn't usually curse, but everyone does when they're mad/sad. Even I do. O o And I can't even imagine how you really feel when someone you deeply love leaves you. I wanted to bring out as much as I could in this story. Sorry if I didn't really depict how he was feeling . . .

I wouldn't know. O o For one, I don't usually feel anything, and secondly, I've never been dumped. I've never had a boyfriend. XD

Anyway, yeah . . . please review . . . RIGHT NOW!


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